Mario Kart
by TrollToez
Summary: When Ryan agreed to go over to Geoff's house for a late night gaming session, he didn't expect murder to be added to his To Do list. Geoff's drunk gaming is enough to anger anyone, but to Ryan it's just become a competition. Rated T for drunk Achievement Hunters
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Geoff was getting close to _the point._ He wasn't there yet, but it was obvious that he would get there soon. Ryan could tell by the way his hands were gradually relaxing their grip on the wheel and the way the empty bottle pile grew between them. Ryan had slowed down his consumption considerably to make sure he didn't just pass out entirely. That, and because he didn't want to murder Geoff in a drunken rage. The man whose life was in question just pushed it even further as he began cackling loudly.

It was only a moment before Ryan realized why. **SCREECH**_**.**__That little shit. _"You fucker! A banana? Really!?" Ryan's motorcycle spun out on the screen and he threw his plastic wheel down in a fit of rage. _How did he get me with a fucking banana!? _Ryan thought. _I must be really drunk, unless he hit _the point…_ No, he hasn't yet…_

Ryan quickly got Bowser back on track and chased after Mario, who at this point was just as fucking annoying as the man who controlled him. The other man only stopped laughing long enough to take another sip of his beer. Ryan knew he should have never agreed to stay over at his friend's place for a game night. He should have guessed Geoff's malicious intentions.

It had been just like every other day, and he had been getting ready to head back home over work. Geoff had come over to his desk and asked him to come over for a pizza and game night. Seeing as his night was free, Ryan agreed. He wondered if Geoff would regret asking when the police found his body in the woods because of Mario Kart Wii.

Ryan's yelling rivaled Michael's Rage Quits at this point. He wouldn't have been surprised if the neighbors complained. After finally hitting Geoff with a shell, Ryan had won the round. He collapsed against the couch and let out a deep breath. Geoff glared at him before cracking open another beer and selecting Rainbow Road. He was far too close to _the point_ for Ryan's comfort.

They fought tooth and nail for first place until about half way through the race. Geoff took one final swig and Ryan watched in horror as he reached _the point._ Geoff sighed contentedly and sunk back against the couch. He took the steering wheel in both hands and it seemed to become an extension of himself. Skillfully running Bowser off the road, he let out a quiet laugh and sped ahead.

Silently, Ryan dropped the controller and put his hands up in defeat. There was no more anger, just a sense of resignation. Geoff finished the race without ever seeing another racer and without falling off once. The man had reached the point where he was _so_ drunk that his gaming skills became unbeatable. None of the employees at Rooster Teeth had an explanation as to why, but they all new that it was pointless to even try to play him.

Geoff looked at Ryan with a cheeky grin. "What, you give up, you big baby?" he teased. God, was he asking to get punched?

"No, I just don't feel like having you laughing at me all night while you beat me," he huffed. In response, Geoff just laughed and held up his bottle in a toast.

"To the Mario Kart champion; _me!_" Geoff tossed his controller and held the alcohol up like a trophy. This elicited a response that neither of them expected. It all happened in a bit of a blur to Ryan; all he saw was the bottle in Geoff's hand one second, and it on the floor across the room the next. They were both quiet for a moment, just staring at it. Then, Geoff slowly turned to look back at his friend, or perhaps ex-friend now. Ryan prayed to every deity he could think of, but held Geoff's gaze steadily.

"I see," Geoff said softly. "Alright then, if that's how it's going to be, then so be it." The man got up and walked, a bit unsteadily, to the TV. He shut off the Wii and turned on the X-box. "If you are so upset about me being the _Mario Kart_ king, then let's try something else." Geoff popped a game into the console that Ryan couldn't see and set back down.

All of Ryan's resignation disappeared in that moment, replaced by fiery determination. He grabbed his controller with a new intensity while he watched GTA V load on the TV in front of them. If Geoff wanted a competition, then so be it. He didn't care about the fact that he was almost too drunk to see straight or Geoff's unbeatable drunk-victory streak, he just wanted to win.

They traded smirks that were equal parts friendship and looks of 'I'm going to beat your ass into the ground'. They played through different games, switching consoles occasionally, all night. Only when Ryan noticed how easily he had won the latest deathmatch did he finally look over at Geoff. The damn idiot had passed out on the couch where they sat. He looked at the screen, at the clock that read 3:04, and then back at the "Winner" banner on the screen. Ryan shrugged to himself, thought to himself, '_Guess I won.', _and then promptly passed out as well.

Ryan revoked that statement when they both woke up with the worst hangovers they'd had in a while. They both lost that night, and weren't afraid to admit it. Especially when Griffon and Millie made a point of being extra loud that day, simply because they both new just how much alcohol the two had consumed.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was two weeks after their failed Mario Kart battle. Ryan had been training day in and day out the entire time preparing for today. Several of the Rooster Teeth employees sat in the Achievement Hunter office, waiting with phones and cameras ready. He and Geoff sat at their respective desks, chugging beer while glaring at each other.

This had been planned as soon as they were sober enough to coherently think. They were to battle at the end of the day in two weeks to see who the best drunk gamer really was. The rest of the office had gotten wind of it and soon the entire company was making bets on who would win. Most went for the obvious choice of Geoff, but some decided to put in bigger risk for a bigger reward.

When Gus decided that the two were drunk enough, they both turned back around to their computers. Gavin stepped in front of the camera that Jack held and spoke energetically into his mic. "t's time for the biggest battle since, well, since forever! Watch these bevved up boys compete to see who the real drunk champion is! In one corner, Geoff! The reigning king is here to defend his title," Gavin gestured wildly with his free hand at the aforementioned man. "And in the other hand, Ryan the challenger! Who will win? Who will lose? Who will lose a lot of money on bets? Stay tuned to find out!"

At the end of the small speech, Jack turned the camera over to Barbra, who was prepared with her cat piano. An intense meowing musical solo followed to add to the energy. The meowing continued for a few minutes, with Barbra getting more and more into it as she played on. It probably would have continued forever if Michael hadn't finally taken the instrument away from her.

Finally, the battle was to commence. Ryan was so drunk from his afternoon of drinking that he could hardly hit the right buttons to get the computer running. Geoff had hit his point before the game had even loaded, and Ryan had no idea if he even _had_ one. Minecraft was loaded up on a map that had been built by Team Building Exercise specifically for this occasion. The four builders got front row seats and watched on with smug grins as the intoxicated men stared in horror at the world before them. Both of their characters were spawned in small rooms that only contained a chest and a doorway leading into a dark hall. Upon investigation, Ryan and Geoff found that the chest contained only a leather helmet, wooden sword, and one cooked pork chop.

"Are we just gonna kill each other?" Geoff asked, confused.

"Oh no, there's much more to it than that," Matt grinned evilly. Ryan narrowed his eyes and turned back to the screen. They put on their helmets and each started down their own halls. They could hear mobs all around them, but the 1x2 hallway appeared to be empty. The redstone torches were the only marker of how far they had gone, and probably the only reason they weren't currently dead.

"You guys _did_ remember to have a point to the game, right?" Michael asked over Gavin's overenthusiastic commentary about the nothing that was going on.

Kdin raised one eyebrow, and Jeremy smirked. Lindsey looked at her husband with contempt. "Of course we did; we just needed a big field. You just wait, because we really worked our magic with this one."

Everyone's attention was drawn back to Geoff's screen when he screamed at the sight on the monitor. He had suddenly emerged into a huge cavern filled with every type of monster imaginable. Lava and flames lit the screen and soon a second character appeared on the far side of the pit. Before each of them sat a single sign with only two words of advice. "DON'T DIE."

Gavin started squeaking into the mic again and hopping around the room in excitement. The Ryan tried to back into the safety of the hallway once more, but found that a tripwire had closed an iron door over his escape.

With no escape, Geoff leaned back into his chair and laughed. "Alrighty then! Let the games begin, motherfucker!"

They both fought hard; killing what they could and running from the rest. The swords didn't last long, and neither did the helmets once they faced creepers. Amidst the screaming from the competitors and onlookers, the sounds of Ryan's character dying were audible. He snuck a glance at Geoff, who was for the moment calmly slaughtering 4 zombies at once. Obviously Ryan didn't get better at videogames when he had mixed more alcohol than a bartender.

Apparently in agreement, Ryan's stomach let out a noise of complaint. _No, damnit, not now! I can't let Geoff win!_ He thought in a panic. Another noise from his backsassing gut told him he'd better get to a bathroom soon or there'd be a whole lotta vomit on the screen. Geoff didn't seem to be in any discomfort, so the only way he'd get out of it was by winning the game. His opponent's gamertag wasn't too far away, so he headed towards it as fast as he could with the monstrous obstructions.

Geoff saw the Scottish Steve running at him with a bone in hand, and he took off in the opposite direction. The crowd went wild as the ultimate chase began. Besides the awkward breaks for eating rotten flesh, but between getting their asses kicked by mobs and the fact that Ray had started a wave in the audience, both of the men new they had to fight it out eventually.

Ryan's head swam as he tried to keep his lunch down. God, what did he drink?! In an insane, desperate final attempt to stay in the game, he reached for the open bottle next to his keyboard. If the announcer's screaming was any indication, it was a good decision. Ryan emptied the entire bottle without taking his eyes off of the screen, and for a moment he was sure he was about to pass out. His vision went blurry, and he was so dizzy he almost passed out. The only coherent thought that ran through his head in that moment was, _Oh shit someone spiked my beer._

Ryan closed his eyes briefly and blocked out the sound of everyone- including Geoff- yelling. He took a deep breath, and then relaxed. _So this is what Geoff felt like._

Opening his eyes, Ryan just barely dodged a skeleton's arrow. Geoff hadn't moved any closer, but instead ten blocks away facing him. As if the mobs sensed the tension, their numbers had lessened considerably. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Ryan figured that Matt was probably at a computer controlling some dispenser-redstone contraption. Facing his enemy with nothing more than the goods that the monsters dropped. Wielding an arrow, he stared Geoff down through the game. Everyone held their breath and the monsters stopped spawning all at once. No one was sure who made the first move, but suddenly both men were charging at the other with bellowing war cries. Their screens were a flurry of swinging swords and redness. Their computers went silent at the same time. "YOU DIED" Mocked Ryan from his monitor.

"No.." he breathed. There was no way in hell he had lost that battle. He looked up at Geoff slowly, afraid to look at his gloating face. But instead, he looked up to an equally shocked man staring back. An identical screen showed on Geoff's desk. Too drunk to comprehend that had happened right away, they both just stared. After a minute of silence, the crowd went absolutely insane. People laughed, screamed, yelled, and Kerry appeared to have passed out on the floor.

Without saying a word, Geoff and Ryan scooted their chairs over to each other and shook hands, still staring in shock. Neither of them could find the words to say; they had both won the championship, so now what? Ryan opened his mouth to congratulate his opponent, but his stomach seemed to have other ideas. He remembered the nausea all at once, and jumped up to run to the bathroom, or at least a garbage can. Unfortunately, he had put it off too long. Just as Geoff opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, Ryan's stomach opened up the pits of hell. Even worse, it seemed, Ryan's now standing position gave him a wider angle of fire. While Ryan proceeded to vomit directly onto Geoff, only one British voice was heard over the ensuing panic.

"Ryan wins, guys!"


End file.
